Family Rules

This week in class we talked about family rules and how the effect the family. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it states: “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.” Every family goes about teaching their children right from wrong in different ways. Some families have a paper posted on the fridge or wall with “Family Rules” on them for everyone to see. Rules like listen to mom and dad, keep your hands to yourself, no lying exc. But today I would like to talk specifically about the family rules that are unspoken lists of acceptable/ unacceptable behaviors which influenced family origins. Things that you know you need to do (or know not to do) but no one had to really tell them to you.

In my family this was most of our rules. My parents weren’t strict in the fact that we had to have straight As or be the best on the sports team, but we did have to do OUR best. My siblings growing up thought my parents had double standards, because two of us would come home with the same grades and only one would get into trouble. That was because one did their homework work every night and study hard for test, and one would sleep through class, and no do homework. If I had to say my parents were “strict” about anything, it was the way we treated those around us, and more specifically our elders. My parents’ biggest rule was we had to use “Mr. or Mrs. when addressing adults. I remember growing up we had a neighbor next door that we were really close with. We walked outside one day and I said “Hi Karen!” and my dad immediately was like “That’s Mrs. Karen to you!” and you can better believe I never called her Karen again!

It was the same at church, we needed to say Brother/Sister and not first names, no matter how close we were to them outside of church. I still have this habit today. Even as an adult. Those people who were my leaders growing up are still Brother/Sister. It's gotten to the point where if I'm talking to my parents I can be like “Julie…” but when I'm taking to them its Sister Camarena. My parents taught me that this was a sign of respect. As well as using Mr. and Mrs. we were also taught to use yes sir and no sir. This has also caried onto my adulthood. So many people have told me “Kaity, you don’t need to call me ma’am” but I always tell them it was the way I was raised, and if I don’t, I hear my dad asking me “yes what? until I said, “yes ma’am”.

When we are stressed, we often resort back to old family rules/ways. I've noticed in my own life when I'm in a new situation, or don’t know someone every well, I’ll use Sir and Ma’am more than if I was in a relaxed state. When things are done over and over again, they become like second nature to us. It's not a bad thing and I honestly think it's a good idea to get into the habit of showing people respect.

I work at a daycare and it's one of my favorite things. I love being able to tech children the importance of respecting people. When serving them lunch, we ask the kids if they would like this or that. Sometimes the kids would blurt out “NO” or YES! before we even had the change to ask them. After a while I noticed myself telling them “how about we say yes please, or no thank you.” Whenever I do that, I think to myself “man I sound like me parents!” I honestly love that my parents have taught me respect and how to treat those around me.

It's totally normal to fall back on the things you were taught when teaching others. It's natural for you to do those things, and makes you feel like you’re doing something right. What are some of your “family rules” that you want to pass down to your children?