Faithfulness in Marriage

This week in class we discussed faithfulness in marriage and some things that can cause issues within a marriage and how to prevent them. Once you are married you need to be 100% faithful to your spouse. It's no longer about just you and your happiness but it's now about how you and someone else are going to be happy together. Each relationship has different ideas of what is and is not appropriate to do now that they are married. It's important for you to talk to your spouse and set those boundaries so you both can be happy and find comfort in your relationship. Some of the ides that were brought up in class that I will discuss today are not being alone with someone of the opposite gender, not being in contact with past relationships, and not using pornography.

It's so important to have boundaries when being married to someone. Just because you love them and are married to them doesn’t mean temptation isn’t going to present itself. We need to have things in place to help us stay faithful to our spouse. One of the biggest ways to do that is not being alone with someone of the opposite gender. This includes not giving rides to or from meetings of any sorts. When two people are alone it can cause them to start confiding with that person and feelings start forming. They start trusting that person more and more. which in and of itself isn’t a bad thing, but it can easily escalate from there. Once it's easy to talk to someone, it's easy to start doing other things. If you want to carpool to something, make sure your spouse is with you just as a precaution.

Another thing you can do is not being in contact with pass relationships. It's easy and natural to want to stay in contact, even if its just on Facebook, especially if you left off on good terms, but that leaves the door wide open for things to happen. It's easy to start texting them and seeing what’s going on in their life, and then before you know it, you’re confiding in them when you’re struggling in your marriage. That can lead to feelings starting up again and you start wondering “what if?” What if I hadn’t broken up with them and we started a life together” What if we got married, would I have the same problems with them as I do with my spouse now? This can cause you to wonder if you really are supposed to be with your spouse and make you not want to work things out with them. We live in a society where it is easy to just walk away and not work things out and being in contact with past relationships makes that so much easier.

One of the biggest things that causes problems in a marriage is pornography. We live in a world where pornography is everywhere and is easily accessible. Children are being exposed to it at a younger and younger age and it has lasting effect on people. Pornography depicts a false sense of what love is. People don’t naturally look the way they do on the internet and it can cause people to have a false sense of reality. When we view pornography, our spouse can get self-conscious and get thoughts of not being enough. It also interferes with a couple’s intimacy. Pornography is an addiction and once someone starts viewing it, it takes over their mind and makes them not want to be intimate with their spouse.

All of these things can cause issues within a relationship bit it just takes a little communication, compromise and respect for the other person and you can have a happy successful relationship.

 

Transitions in Marriage

This week in class we discussed transitions in marriage. There are a lot of transitions that go on when you’re married. For example, there is the initial moving in together after getting married, having a baby, having a second baby, and moving. There is more, but these are the ones I want to talk about today.

When two people gets married it can be an adjustment to move in with another person. They might do things that are completely different from the way you think they need to be done. Like maybe you grew up where the dishes get done every night before you go to bed, and they were raised where they let them sit for a few days and then do them. That can get annoying and cause problems. But when people are willing to work through problems, the relationship they have with each other will grow and become stronger. The leader of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, President Russell M. Nelson, has said “"Meanwhile, mortal misunderstandings can make mischief in marriage. In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concentrated effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort. That effort will succeed in each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness." People were meant to be different and just because someone does something in a different way than you doesn’t make them a bad person, it makes them human. The main part of marriage is two people bring their own individual lives together to form one life. It means making sacrifices and being willing to compromise.

After a couple gets married and gets use to living together, the next transition usually is having children. That completely changes the dynamic of a family. You go from a family of 2 to a family of 3. That’s an extra person you have to take into consideration when making decisions about the family. Also, moms and dads need to work together to take care of that child. If one person is solely taking on the responsibility (changing diapers, feeding, bathing, getting up in the night) it will cause exhaustion and can cause some resentment of the partner for not helping more. Communication is key in making any relationship last. This is also true with the addition of more children. You need to make sure the children you already have don’t feel replaced or forgotten when you bring new baby brother or sister home. Help them see the importance of being a big brother or sister and how fun it can be helping mommy and daddy take care of their new sibling.

Another transition is moving. Moving is a normal part of life. Some people move more often than others and some only move once or twice. I think it's important for children to grow up moving because it teaches them to adapt to new situations and I personally feel like it helps strengthen the family bond. I grew up with my dad in the Air Force and we moved quite a bit when I was younger. Every time we moved, I always had my family and it helped me realize they are always going to the consistent in my life. Friends come and go, but your family will always be there. Even if they are hundreds of miles away. Moving wasn’t always easy, but with my family by my side, it make it easier and an exciting adventure.

With any change of the family, it takes time to transition into the new normal. We need to have patience with our family members as they try to adjust to the new way of life. That means loving them and letting them know that you are there to support them in anything they need. Everyone takes a different amount of time to adjust to a new situation and we don’t want to rush anyone who may need more time than we do.

                                                               Dating

This week in class we discussed dating. I would like to address the 4 steps to dating which are 1) dating, 2) courting, 3) engagement, and 4) marriage.

 

What exactly is dating? Dating is “a stage of romantic relationships  whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship.” Now this is more of societies definition of dating. I personally feel like dating is getting to know people and getting to know what personality fits best with yours and what you want in your future spouse. Dating doesn’t necessarily mean being exclusive with one person and I feel like it’s really important to date lots of people because that way you will truly know what you like and don’t like and a partner. Dating is also a great time to get to know yourself and the quirks that you have.  

 

When you do find a partner that you want to pursue a more in-depth relationship with is when you start to court that person. Courting is defined as “being involved with someone romantically, typically with the intention of marrying.” This is when things start getting more serious, and you are exclusive with one person. You start to hang out with that person more and start trying to figure out if you guys are truly compatible. You start being more open with this person and sharing more details of your life. You start sharing more of your hopes and dreams, your struggles, and biggest fears. 

 

The next stage of your relationship with this person is engagement. Being engaged to someone it’s a huge step towards marriage. It changes your status with each other and shows a big level of commitment not only to yourselves but your life together. You show that things are not only about you anymore but about you, your your significant other, and the life you guys are trying to build together. You guys start making bigger life decisions together and start trying to prepare for your future life as a couple. A lot of people think it’s a good idea to cohabitate (live together) while being engaged and I think this is a very bad idea. It has been said that people who cohabitate before being married have a higher percent rate of getting a divorce than people who don’t. There is a timeline for things in our life and if we stick to that timeline we will be happier and have more success in our relationships. How long the engagement is is on an individual bassist. What works for one couple may not work for another and we as a society need to stop putting pressure on couples to have a certain timeline for how long the engagement is. Some couples want to get married fast and that’s great and some want to wait and build the relationship even more and to save up and that’s just as great as getting married fast. 

 

The next and last step is obviously marriage. This is the end goal, but marriage is hard! You need to think of more than just yourself and start thinking about someone else. A lot of people tend to say that marriage is 50-50 but I was taught from a  young age that marriage is 100-100. Both people in the relationship need to be putting forth all of their effort in order to make the marriage last. Now this doesn’t mean that people aren’t gonna have bad days because they are, but that’s when the other person needs to step up and put forth just a little bit more effort until the other person gets over the hump that they are in and is ready to put forth all of their effort again. When you are married to someone you need to be prepared to help carry that person through the hard times as well as the good times. That is why when we are married we say in “sickness and in health”. We don’t just say I love you only during the good times, but it’s I’ll love you through the good and the bad.         

 

Life is not going to be all rainbows and butterflies but I know that as we put forth the effort and as we love people and want what’s best for them that we can have successful relationships. In life we are meant to have relationships and these steps are going to help us to be able to find a lifelong best friend and the person that we want to spend forever with. Each step is just as important as the next and we should not skip steps because we learn new things at every step along the way. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does Gender Matter?

This week in class, we discussed gender. And more specifically how society views the role of males and females. Society has gotten away from the typical male and female roles, and I personally think that this is a problem. Yes, anything a male can do, a female can do, and anything a female can do a male can do, but one gender just does it better. It doesn’t make it bad; it just means one gender is naturally more fit to play that role. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day saints has a document that outlines the roles of men and women. It's called “THE FAMILY A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD” (the link should take you to the official document.) It doesn’t mean that these roles are the only thing they can do but serves as a guide.

Let’s talk about the role men play first. The Family Proclamation states that “fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” It's natural for a father (or husband) to want to protect and provide for their families. It's engraved in them ever since their little. They have roll-models all around them to show them what it looks like to provide for their family. It's not always the right way to do it though. Some men take it to the extreme and are never home because they are out providing for their family. It's also the male’s role to teach the children certain things. I remember growing up, anytime my dad was working on the cars, or fixing something around the house, I loved to be right there helping him and learning how to do it. It's important for children to learn from both their fathers and mothers.

The Family Proclamation also states that “Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” That once again comes naturally to women even at a young age. Have you ever seen a little girl with her baby doll? She naturally knows to care for it and can be so gentle with it. Now some people can take this statement to mean that women need to be stay at home moms and only take care of the children and clean the house. This is the farthest thing from the truth!! Women can have jobs and still take care of the children. I've seen it done in many households. It all depends on what they feel is best for their families.

We’ve talked about men’s roles and women’s roles separately, now let’s talk about their roles together, and how by working as a team they can succeed in anything they do. The Family Proclamation states “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live… In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.” No one gender is better than another. Male and females are meant to complement each other and where one falls short, the other picks up the slack. If in your own family it's best if the mother works, and the father stays home with the kids that’s great. As long as the children are happy and taken care of, that’s all that matters. Yes women tend to be better at the emotional support for children, and men tend to provide the physical support better, but that doesn’t mean mom has to stay home, and dad has to work. Every family is different and as long as you’re doing your best, that’s all that counts.