Communication

This week in class we talked about communication and how it is needed to effectively solve problems in a relationship. There are two types of communication, verbal and nonverbal. Verbal communication is defined as the “production of spoken language to send an intentional message to a listener.” So basically, it's what we say and how we say it. The tone of our voice falls into the category of verbal communication. If you tell someone “I don’t like the way you do xyz, but you say it calmy it will come across much better than if you say it with an attitude. Verbal communication is the most effect way to communicate. Say what you need to say and say it in a way that the person you’re talking with will understand.  

Nonverbal communication is defined as the “transmission of messages or signals through a nonverbal platform such as eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, posture, and the distance between two individuals.” Body language is huge when communicating. If someone is sitting with their feet under them, their hands folded, or in their lap, and their eyes focused on the floor, they probably are feeling attacked and are not in a place where effective communication can take place. On the contrary if two people are talking and they both are seated with their feel on the floor, the arms naturally by their side, keeping eye contact, and overall look comfortable effective communication is taking place, they are both open to the conversation and are wanting to resolve issues. It is important for people to be aware of the other persons nonverbal communication because it's just as important as what they are saying.

Effective communication takes practice. I'm not going to lie communication is not my strong suite. It's something that needs lots of work but I'm working on it. Something that I have found useful in communicating is making sure you’re not upset when doing it, and you don’t come across as attacking the other person. In my experience when people confront me about things I'm doing wrong I shut down. I start to cry and physically can’t make myself talk. It doesn’t help the matter and actually makes the situation worse. I have found that if it's in a loving environment and were both in a place to listen and understand it goes so much smoother. When arguments happen, and they are going to, the conversations that take place shouldn’t be to determine who is “wright” and who is “wrong” but more how we can resolve the situation and move on in our relationships.

One of the most important things I've learned about communication is that it's important no to bring up past arguments. Things that happen in the past are just that in the past. You need to resolve them then and not bring them up again. For example, let’s say a husband and wife are out with another couple one night and the husband keeps talking over the wife or talking for her. The wife will probably get pretty upset, but if she doesn’t talk to the husband, he may never know it's an issue. 3 years latter the wife is still bitter that it happened and as she is fighting with the husband brings it up. There is nothing the husband can do about it now and bring it up won't solve anything and can cause more issues. It would have been better for the wife to say something when they got home that night and for them to solve that issue than for her to hold a grudge.

Communication is key!! When we learn how to communicate with others, our relationships will improve, and we will be happier in those relationships.