Parenting 

This week in class we discussed parenting. This is one of my favorite topics because one of my biggest goals in life is to be a parent. I have wanted to be a mom ever since I was little, and I have put a lot of thought into the type of mom I would like to be. Today I will be discussing some of the aspects of parenting that I find most important.

Before we can talk about aspect of parenting, first we need to talk about the different types of parenting styles. There is authoritarian parenting, permissive parenting, authoritative parenting, and unevolved parenting. Authoritarian parents believe that “Children should be seen and not heard. When it comes to rules, they believe it's "their way or the highway”, and they don't take their child's feelings into consideration.” Authoritative Parents “put a lot of effort into creating and maintaining a positive relationship with their children. They explain the reasons behind rules, and they enforce rules and give consequences, but take their child's feelings into consideration.” Permissive Parents set rules but rarely enforce them, don't give out consequences very often, and think children will learn best with little interference. Uninvolved Parents don't ask your child about school or homework, rarely know where your child is or who they are with, and don't spend much time with their child. I personally think I have a authoritative outlook on parenting. Having a solid relationship with your children is important and they need to know you care but you are also the parent. Children need to respect you, but you need to take their feelings into consideration and try to find out why they are doing the things they are.

The main goal of a parent is to help our children become the best version of themselves as possible. It's not to make them a miniature version of ourselves or for us to live vicariously through them. They are their own person with their own feelings and things that make them unique. As parents we need to help our child to accomplish their goals and dreams. My parents are a great example of this. Every time I told them one of my goals in life, they always supported me 100% in accomplishing that goal and stood by me through the good, bad, and ugly of the journey in fulfilling that goal. Even when I changed my mind they were always there to listen and offer advice. They still are now even though I have moved out and I’m an “adult” they still support me in everything I do. 

As parents we need to teach our children. This never stops. When they are little, we teach them to craw and talk and as they get older, we teach them to control their emotions and how to deal with discouragement. Once their teenagers we teach them how to avoid temptations and what to do if they’re in a situation they don’t want to be in. as they become older teenagers and young adults, we teach them how to prepare for a relationship with a spouse and how to “adult.” From there we continue to be there for them when they have questions and help guide them in life. The older they get, the less they may need, but they will always need us. Even if it's just to talk.

That brings up another point. We need to listen to our children and not judge them. Like I mentioned up above, children are human just like us. They have trials and bad days just like us. As parents if were not willing to let our children have a bad day, they will start to resent us and start hiding the fact that they are struggling. This is a bad habit to get into with our children. We should want our children to come and talk with us and for us to help them find solutions to their problems. Trust me when their teenagers you’re going to wish you had that relationship with them.

Being a parent is the biggest goal we can have. It's one that will affect us for the rest of our lives and one we should hold dear to our hearts. This week take a moment and think about the type of parent you want to be and then find ways of doing it. 

 Fatherhood

This week in class we talked about fatherhood and the importance of having a father in the home. My professor would like us to reference a website and talk about our favorite points from it. I will be referencing 25Facts on the Importance of Fathers.

Fathers are so important in a child’s life! I do not believe that one parent is more important than another, they need both of them for different reasons. The article states that “Adolescents living in intact families tend to report closer relationships with their fathers.” It’s much easier to have a relationship with someone who you live with. Not only that but when a father and mother are separated, the children can start taking sides based off of what they hear the other parent say about the parent who is not there. I’ve seen it so much where the mom bad talks the dad and so the children start resenting the dad. 

“Adolescents with more involved fathers tend to exhibit lower levels of behavioral problems.” Fathers can show young children and teenagers how to properly control their anger, and appropriate ways to release it. It’s not good to bottle your anger up and if you do it can lead to serious problems. It’s getting better, but people have a tendency to tell young boys that it’s not good to show emotion, which makes them act out in different ways that people think are “better.” They can’t cry so instead they punch the wall, or get into fights at school which are not good. Having a male in the house can show them it’s ok to cry, and if you are frustrated how to deal with that emotion without getting violent. 

“Individuals whose fathers showed more involvement in their lives early on tend to attain higher levels of education.” It’s normal for teenagers to not want to get an education outside of high school. Parents can encourage them, but it’s always better to have two parents saying the same thing and being encouraging. Also it’s important for children to see a mother and a father that both have degrees and how that has impacted their life and made it so that they can financially support the family. 

“Among adolescent girls, those who have a strong relationship with their fathers are less likely to report experiencing depression.” The relationship a young girl has with her father is like nothing else! He is the first person that she looks to show her how men should treat her. He should be her hero and the biggest support she has in her life. He should support her in her goals and dreams and be cheering her on all her life. 

 

“Intact families are more likely to provide a safe home for children.” Not all the time but a lot of the time when parents are separated, the home it’s not a very safe place for the children. The parents tend to fight there a lot, which can lead to violence and overall just not be a place that children want to be. When children don’t want to be at home they leave and get into trouble outside the home. They can get into things that they are not supposed to and things that they are not ready to. When children are away from home for long periods of time is when they get into drugs and alcohol and become sexually active at an earlier your age. Children may not think they need it, but they need supervision and they need guidance and direction and their life. 

Fathers are essential in a child’s life they can provide support, knowledge and  be an example to children. I am so grateful I have a relationship I do with my dad and know I am better because it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Communication

This week in class we talked about communication and how it is needed to effectively solve problems in a relationship. There are two types of communication, verbal and nonverbal. Verbal communication is defined as the “production of spoken language to send an intentional message to a listener.” So basically, it's what we say and how we say it. The tone of our voice falls into the category of verbal communication. If you tell someone “I don’t like the way you do xyz, but you say it calmy it will come across much better than if you say it with an attitude. Verbal communication is the most effect way to communicate. Say what you need to say and say it in a way that the person you’re talking with will understand.  

Nonverbal communication is defined as the “transmission of messages or signals through a nonverbal platform such as eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, posture, and the distance between two individuals.” Body language is huge when communicating. If someone is sitting with their feet under them, their hands folded, or in their lap, and their eyes focused on the floor, they probably are feeling attacked and are not in a place where effective communication can take place. On the contrary if two people are talking and they both are seated with their feel on the floor, the arms naturally by their side, keeping eye contact, and overall look comfortable effective communication is taking place, they are both open to the conversation and are wanting to resolve issues. It is important for people to be aware of the other persons nonverbal communication because it's just as important as what they are saying.

Effective communication takes practice. I'm not going to lie communication is not my strong suite. It's something that needs lots of work but I'm working on it. Something that I have found useful in communicating is making sure you’re not upset when doing it, and you don’t come across as attacking the other person. In my experience when people confront me about things I'm doing wrong I shut down. I start to cry and physically can’t make myself talk. It doesn’t help the matter and actually makes the situation worse. I have found that if it's in a loving environment and were both in a place to listen and understand it goes so much smoother. When arguments happen, and they are going to, the conversations that take place shouldn’t be to determine who is “wright” and who is “wrong” but more how we can resolve the situation and move on in our relationships.

One of the most important things I've learned about communication is that it's important no to bring up past arguments. Things that happen in the past are just that in the past. You need to resolve them then and not bring them up again. For example, let’s say a husband and wife are out with another couple one night and the husband keeps talking over the wife or talking for her. The wife will probably get pretty upset, but if she doesn’t talk to the husband, he may never know it's an issue. 3 years latter the wife is still bitter that it happened and as she is fighting with the husband brings it up. There is nothing the husband can do about it now and bring it up won't solve anything and can cause more issues. It would have been better for the wife to say something when they got home that night and for them to solve that issue than for her to hold a grudge.

Communication is key!! When we learn how to communicate with others, our relationships will improve, and we will be happier in those relationships.

 

Family Stress

This week in class we talked about the family being under stress. Every family has stress, it's just a fact of life. But that stress can either break a family or make it stronger. Today I want to share some tings we can do so when stress happens, we can become stronger as a family.

The first one is to have a good relationship with each other. Family bonds can be the thing that keeps a family together. A big stressor in the family can be arguments, which happens all the time. There is not a single family out there that does not fight with each other. When you have a strong relationship with your family though it makes you want to work out your problems. The things people do that annoy you won't seem so big anymore. When people fight, often times they say things they don’t mean. I was listening to a speech one time and the speaker mentioned that for every negative you tell someone you should have 5 positive things to say as well. I think this rule would work great in the family and help arguments not last so long.

Another thing is to center your family around the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” it states “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” I love this!! I have seen it work many times before. From 2017-2019 I served as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Fort Collins Colorado. While there I had the opportunity to witness the blessings the gospel has on families. One example I can think if, is with the Jones family. This family was going through a lot of stress and was looking for guidance in their life. As me and my companion worked with this family, we encouraged them to have daily family scripture study. As they did the family became stronger and closer together. I think the best thing a family can do is hold family scripture study. President Russell M. Nelson said in his October 2017 General Conference talk titled "The Book of Mormon: What Would Your Life Be Like without It?" “When I think of the Book of Mormon, I think of the word power. The truths of the Book of Mormon have the power to heal, comfort, restore, succor, strengthen, console, and cheer our souls. My dear brothers and sisters, I promise that as you prayerfully study the Book of Mormon every day, you will make better decisions—every day. I promise that as you ponder what you study, the windows of heaven will open, and you will receive answers to your own questions and direction for your own life. I promise that as you daily immerse yourself in the Book of Mormon, you can be immunized against the evils of the day, even the gripping plague of pornography and other mind-numbing addictions.” The Book of Mormon brings power and protection to our families.

Stress in a family is inevitable. It's going to happen weather we want it to or not, but if we are prepared and have the mindset of wanting to work through it, we can become stronger because of it. Every family structure is different and every family deals with stress differently, but I know that it doesn’t have to break a family apart. It can strengthen the family and make them closer than ever.