Parenting 

This week in class we discussed parenting. This is one of my favorite topics because one of my biggest goals in life is to be a parent. I have wanted to be a mom ever since I was little, and I have put a lot of thought into the type of mom I would like to be. Today I will be discussing some of the aspects of parenting that I find most important.

Before we can talk about aspect of parenting, first we need to talk about the different types of parenting styles. There is authoritarian parenting, permissive parenting, authoritative parenting, and unevolved parenting. Authoritarian parents believe that “Children should be seen and not heard. When it comes to rules, they believe it's "their way or the highway”, and they don't take their child's feelings into consideration.” Authoritative Parents “put a lot of effort into creating and maintaining a positive relationship with their children. They explain the reasons behind rules, and they enforce rules and give consequences, but take their child's feelings into consideration.” Permissive Parents set rules but rarely enforce them, don't give out consequences very often, and think children will learn best with little interference. Uninvolved Parents don't ask your child about school or homework, rarely know where your child is or who they are with, and don't spend much time with their child. I personally think I have a authoritative outlook on parenting. Having a solid relationship with your children is important and they need to know you care but you are also the parent. Children need to respect you, but you need to take their feelings into consideration and try to find out why they are doing the things they are.

The main goal of a parent is to help our children become the best version of themselves as possible. It's not to make them a miniature version of ourselves or for us to live vicariously through them. They are their own person with their own feelings and things that make them unique. As parents we need to help our child to accomplish their goals and dreams. My parents are a great example of this. Every time I told them one of my goals in life, they always supported me 100% in accomplishing that goal and stood by me through the good, bad, and ugly of the journey in fulfilling that goal. Even when I changed my mind they were always there to listen and offer advice. They still are now even though I have moved out and I’m an “adult” they still support me in everything I do. 

As parents we need to teach our children. This never stops. When they are little, we teach them to craw and talk and as they get older, we teach them to control their emotions and how to deal with discouragement. Once their teenagers we teach them how to avoid temptations and what to do if they’re in a situation they don’t want to be in. as they become older teenagers and young adults, we teach them how to prepare for a relationship with a spouse and how to “adult.” From there we continue to be there for them when they have questions and help guide them in life. The older they get, the less they may need, but they will always need us. Even if it's just to talk.

That brings up another point. We need to listen to our children and not judge them. Like I mentioned up above, children are human just like us. They have trials and bad days just like us. As parents if were not willing to let our children have a bad day, they will start to resent us and start hiding the fact that they are struggling. This is a bad habit to get into with our children. We should want our children to come and talk with us and for us to help them find solutions to their problems. Trust me when their teenagers you’re going to wish you had that relationship with them.

Being a parent is the biggest goal we can have. It's one that will affect us for the rest of our lives and one we should hold dear to our hearts. This week take a moment and think about the type of parent you want to be and then find ways of doing it. 

 Fatherhood

This week in class we talked about fatherhood and the importance of having a father in the home. My professor would like us to reference a website and talk about our favorite points from it. I will be referencing 25Facts on the Importance of Fathers.

Fathers are so important in a child’s life! I do not believe that one parent is more important than another, they need both of them for different reasons. The article states that “Adolescents living in intact families tend to report closer relationships with their fathers.” It’s much easier to have a relationship with someone who you live with. Not only that but when a father and mother are separated, the children can start taking sides based off of what they hear the other parent say about the parent who is not there. I’ve seen it so much where the mom bad talks the dad and so the children start resenting the dad. 

“Adolescents with more involved fathers tend to exhibit lower levels of behavioral problems.” Fathers can show young children and teenagers how to properly control their anger, and appropriate ways to release it. It’s not good to bottle your anger up and if you do it can lead to serious problems. It’s getting better, but people have a tendency to tell young boys that it’s not good to show emotion, which makes them act out in different ways that people think are “better.” They can’t cry so instead they punch the wall, or get into fights at school which are not good. Having a male in the house can show them it’s ok to cry, and if you are frustrated how to deal with that emotion without getting violent. 

“Individuals whose fathers showed more involvement in their lives early on tend to attain higher levels of education.” It’s normal for teenagers to not want to get an education outside of high school. Parents can encourage them, but it’s always better to have two parents saying the same thing and being encouraging. Also it’s important for children to see a mother and a father that both have degrees and how that has impacted their life and made it so that they can financially support the family. 

“Among adolescent girls, those who have a strong relationship with their fathers are less likely to report experiencing depression.” The relationship a young girl has with her father is like nothing else! He is the first person that she looks to show her how men should treat her. He should be her hero and the biggest support she has in her life. He should support her in her goals and dreams and be cheering her on all her life. 

 

“Intact families are more likely to provide a safe home for children.” Not all the time but a lot of the time when parents are separated, the home it’s not a very safe place for the children. The parents tend to fight there a lot, which can lead to violence and overall just not be a place that children want to be. When children don’t want to be at home they leave and get into trouble outside the home. They can get into things that they are not supposed to and things that they are not ready to. When children are away from home for long periods of time is when they get into drugs and alcohol and become sexually active at an earlier your age. Children may not think they need it, but they need supervision and they need guidance and direction and their life. 

Fathers are essential in a child’s life they can provide support, knowledge and  be an example to children. I am so grateful I have a relationship I do with my dad and know I am better because it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Communication

This week in class we talked about communication and how it is needed to effectively solve problems in a relationship. There are two types of communication, verbal and nonverbal. Verbal communication is defined as the “production of spoken language to send an intentional message to a listener.” So basically, it's what we say and how we say it. The tone of our voice falls into the category of verbal communication. If you tell someone “I don’t like the way you do xyz, but you say it calmy it will come across much better than if you say it with an attitude. Verbal communication is the most effect way to communicate. Say what you need to say and say it in a way that the person you’re talking with will understand.  

Nonverbal communication is defined as the “transmission of messages or signals through a nonverbal platform such as eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, posture, and the distance between two individuals.” Body language is huge when communicating. If someone is sitting with their feet under them, their hands folded, or in their lap, and their eyes focused on the floor, they probably are feeling attacked and are not in a place where effective communication can take place. On the contrary if two people are talking and they both are seated with their feel on the floor, the arms naturally by their side, keeping eye contact, and overall look comfortable effective communication is taking place, they are both open to the conversation and are wanting to resolve issues. It is important for people to be aware of the other persons nonverbal communication because it's just as important as what they are saying.

Effective communication takes practice. I'm not going to lie communication is not my strong suite. It's something that needs lots of work but I'm working on it. Something that I have found useful in communicating is making sure you’re not upset when doing it, and you don’t come across as attacking the other person. In my experience when people confront me about things I'm doing wrong I shut down. I start to cry and physically can’t make myself talk. It doesn’t help the matter and actually makes the situation worse. I have found that if it's in a loving environment and were both in a place to listen and understand it goes so much smoother. When arguments happen, and they are going to, the conversations that take place shouldn’t be to determine who is “wright” and who is “wrong” but more how we can resolve the situation and move on in our relationships.

One of the most important things I've learned about communication is that it's important no to bring up past arguments. Things that happen in the past are just that in the past. You need to resolve them then and not bring them up again. For example, let’s say a husband and wife are out with another couple one night and the husband keeps talking over the wife or talking for her. The wife will probably get pretty upset, but if she doesn’t talk to the husband, he may never know it's an issue. 3 years latter the wife is still bitter that it happened and as she is fighting with the husband brings it up. There is nothing the husband can do about it now and bring it up won't solve anything and can cause more issues. It would have been better for the wife to say something when they got home that night and for them to solve that issue than for her to hold a grudge.

Communication is key!! When we learn how to communicate with others, our relationships will improve, and we will be happier in those relationships.

 

Family Stress

This week in class we talked about the family being under stress. Every family has stress, it's just a fact of life. But that stress can either break a family or make it stronger. Today I want to share some tings we can do so when stress happens, we can become stronger as a family.

The first one is to have a good relationship with each other. Family bonds can be the thing that keeps a family together. A big stressor in the family can be arguments, which happens all the time. There is not a single family out there that does not fight with each other. When you have a strong relationship with your family though it makes you want to work out your problems. The things people do that annoy you won't seem so big anymore. When people fight, often times they say things they don’t mean. I was listening to a speech one time and the speaker mentioned that for every negative you tell someone you should have 5 positive things to say as well. I think this rule would work great in the family and help arguments not last so long.

Another thing is to center your family around the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” it states “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” I love this!! I have seen it work many times before. From 2017-2019 I served as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Fort Collins Colorado. While there I had the opportunity to witness the blessings the gospel has on families. One example I can think if, is with the Jones family. This family was going through a lot of stress and was looking for guidance in their life. As me and my companion worked with this family, we encouraged them to have daily family scripture study. As they did the family became stronger and closer together. I think the best thing a family can do is hold family scripture study. President Russell M. Nelson said in his October 2017 General Conference talk titled "The Book of Mormon: What Would Your Life Be Like without It?" “When I think of the Book of Mormon, I think of the word power. The truths of the Book of Mormon have the power to heal, comfort, restore, succor, strengthen, console, and cheer our souls. My dear brothers and sisters, I promise that as you prayerfully study the Book of Mormon every day, you will make better decisions—every day. I promise that as you ponder what you study, the windows of heaven will open, and you will receive answers to your own questions and direction for your own life. I promise that as you daily immerse yourself in the Book of Mormon, you can be immunized against the evils of the day, even the gripping plague of pornography and other mind-numbing addictions.” The Book of Mormon brings power and protection to our families.

Stress in a family is inevitable. It's going to happen weather we want it to or not, but if we are prepared and have the mindset of wanting to work through it, we can become stronger because of it. Every family structure is different and every family deals with stress differently, but I know that it doesn’t have to break a family apart. It can strengthen the family and make them closer than ever.

 

Faithfulness in Marriage

This week in class we discussed faithfulness in marriage and some things that can cause issues within a marriage and how to prevent them. Once you are married you need to be 100% faithful to your spouse. It's no longer about just you and your happiness but it's now about how you and someone else are going to be happy together. Each relationship has different ideas of what is and is not appropriate to do now that they are married. It's important for you to talk to your spouse and set those boundaries so you both can be happy and find comfort in your relationship. Some of the ides that were brought up in class that I will discuss today are not being alone with someone of the opposite gender, not being in contact with past relationships, and not using pornography.

It's so important to have boundaries when being married to someone. Just because you love them and are married to them doesn’t mean temptation isn’t going to present itself. We need to have things in place to help us stay faithful to our spouse. One of the biggest ways to do that is not being alone with someone of the opposite gender. This includes not giving rides to or from meetings of any sorts. When two people are alone it can cause them to start confiding with that person and feelings start forming. They start trusting that person more and more. which in and of itself isn’t a bad thing, but it can easily escalate from there. Once it's easy to talk to someone, it's easy to start doing other things. If you want to carpool to something, make sure your spouse is with you just as a precaution.

Another thing you can do is not being in contact with pass relationships. It's easy and natural to want to stay in contact, even if its just on Facebook, especially if you left off on good terms, but that leaves the door wide open for things to happen. It's easy to start texting them and seeing what’s going on in their life, and then before you know it, you’re confiding in them when you’re struggling in your marriage. That can lead to feelings starting up again and you start wondering “what if?” What if I hadn’t broken up with them and we started a life together” What if we got married, would I have the same problems with them as I do with my spouse now? This can cause you to wonder if you really are supposed to be with your spouse and make you not want to work things out with them. We live in a society where it is easy to just walk away and not work things out and being in contact with past relationships makes that so much easier.

One of the biggest things that causes problems in a marriage is pornography. We live in a world where pornography is everywhere and is easily accessible. Children are being exposed to it at a younger and younger age and it has lasting effect on people. Pornography depicts a false sense of what love is. People don’t naturally look the way they do on the internet and it can cause people to have a false sense of reality. When we view pornography, our spouse can get self-conscious and get thoughts of not being enough. It also interferes with a couple’s intimacy. Pornography is an addiction and once someone starts viewing it, it takes over their mind and makes them not want to be intimate with their spouse.

All of these things can cause issues within a relationship bit it just takes a little communication, compromise and respect for the other person and you can have a happy successful relationship.

 

Transitions in Marriage

This week in class we discussed transitions in marriage. There are a lot of transitions that go on when you’re married. For example, there is the initial moving in together after getting married, having a baby, having a second baby, and moving. There is more, but these are the ones I want to talk about today.

When two people gets married it can be an adjustment to move in with another person. They might do things that are completely different from the way you think they need to be done. Like maybe you grew up where the dishes get done every night before you go to bed, and they were raised where they let them sit for a few days and then do them. That can get annoying and cause problems. But when people are willing to work through problems, the relationship they have with each other will grow and become stronger. The leader of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, President Russell M. Nelson, has said “"Meanwhile, mortal misunderstandings can make mischief in marriage. In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concentrated effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort. That effort will succeed in each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness." People were meant to be different and just because someone does something in a different way than you doesn’t make them a bad person, it makes them human. The main part of marriage is two people bring their own individual lives together to form one life. It means making sacrifices and being willing to compromise.

After a couple gets married and gets use to living together, the next transition usually is having children. That completely changes the dynamic of a family. You go from a family of 2 to a family of 3. That’s an extra person you have to take into consideration when making decisions about the family. Also, moms and dads need to work together to take care of that child. If one person is solely taking on the responsibility (changing diapers, feeding, bathing, getting up in the night) it will cause exhaustion and can cause some resentment of the partner for not helping more. Communication is key in making any relationship last. This is also true with the addition of more children. You need to make sure the children you already have don’t feel replaced or forgotten when you bring new baby brother or sister home. Help them see the importance of being a big brother or sister and how fun it can be helping mommy and daddy take care of their new sibling.

Another transition is moving. Moving is a normal part of life. Some people move more often than others and some only move once or twice. I think it's important for children to grow up moving because it teaches them to adapt to new situations and I personally feel like it helps strengthen the family bond. I grew up with my dad in the Air Force and we moved quite a bit when I was younger. Every time we moved, I always had my family and it helped me realize they are always going to the consistent in my life. Friends come and go, but your family will always be there. Even if they are hundreds of miles away. Moving wasn’t always easy, but with my family by my side, it make it easier and an exciting adventure.

With any change of the family, it takes time to transition into the new normal. We need to have patience with our family members as they try to adjust to the new way of life. That means loving them and letting them know that you are there to support them in anything they need. Everyone takes a different amount of time to adjust to a new situation and we don’t want to rush anyone who may need more time than we do.

                                                               Dating

This week in class we discussed dating. I would like to address the 4 steps to dating which are 1) dating, 2) courting, 3) engagement, and 4) marriage.

 

What exactly is dating? Dating is “a stage of romantic relationships  whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship.” Now this is more of societies definition of dating. I personally feel like dating is getting to know people and getting to know what personality fits best with yours and what you want in your future spouse. Dating doesn’t necessarily mean being exclusive with one person and I feel like it’s really important to date lots of people because that way you will truly know what you like and don’t like and a partner. Dating is also a great time to get to know yourself and the quirks that you have.  

 

When you do find a partner that you want to pursue a more in-depth relationship with is when you start to court that person. Courting is defined as “being involved with someone romantically, typically with the intention of marrying.” This is when things start getting more serious, and you are exclusive with one person. You start to hang out with that person more and start trying to figure out if you guys are truly compatible. You start being more open with this person and sharing more details of your life. You start sharing more of your hopes and dreams, your struggles, and biggest fears. 

 

The next stage of your relationship with this person is engagement. Being engaged to someone it’s a huge step towards marriage. It changes your status with each other and shows a big level of commitment not only to yourselves but your life together. You show that things are not only about you anymore but about you, your your significant other, and the life you guys are trying to build together. You guys start making bigger life decisions together and start trying to prepare for your future life as a couple. A lot of people think it’s a good idea to cohabitate (live together) while being engaged and I think this is a very bad idea. It has been said that people who cohabitate before being married have a higher percent rate of getting a divorce than people who don’t. There is a timeline for things in our life and if we stick to that timeline we will be happier and have more success in our relationships. How long the engagement is is on an individual bassist. What works for one couple may not work for another and we as a society need to stop putting pressure on couples to have a certain timeline for how long the engagement is. Some couples want to get married fast and that’s great and some want to wait and build the relationship even more and to save up and that’s just as great as getting married fast. 

 

The next and last step is obviously marriage. This is the end goal, but marriage is hard! You need to think of more than just yourself and start thinking about someone else. A lot of people tend to say that marriage is 50-50 but I was taught from a  young age that marriage is 100-100. Both people in the relationship need to be putting forth all of their effort in order to make the marriage last. Now this doesn’t mean that people aren’t gonna have bad days because they are, but that’s when the other person needs to step up and put forth just a little bit more effort until the other person gets over the hump that they are in and is ready to put forth all of their effort again. When you are married to someone you need to be prepared to help carry that person through the hard times as well as the good times. That is why when we are married we say in “sickness and in health”. We don’t just say I love you only during the good times, but it’s I’ll love you through the good and the bad.         

 

Life is not going to be all rainbows and butterflies but I know that as we put forth the effort and as we love people and want what’s best for them that we can have successful relationships. In life we are meant to have relationships and these steps are going to help us to be able to find a lifelong best friend and the person that we want to spend forever with. Each step is just as important as the next and we should not skip steps because we learn new things at every step along the way.